So school has been over for almost a week. Which means I have had some time off. I have just over a week off in total before starting my fulltime job. After what seems like years of constantly being busy, I was soo excited for this week off. Time to focus on myself, on seeing friends, on doing my own things. A time to reconnect with life.
Wrong.
Falling back into old bad habits, just with a new perspective. Most of all, realising that I need something to keep me busy. I need obligations or I feel lost, aimless. Or maybe I just need to find some hobbies of my own. I used to think working out was a good hobby, but seems all it does is fill me with more energy that I later need to expend.
I cant wait to get back into work next week. Work keeps me busy when Im doing it and gives me motivation when Im not doing it. On my days off from work I actually AM content and busy. I dont spend entire days doing things while feeling like Im doing nothing at all.
Wow. This is a rather depressing realisation.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
wellity wellity well...
For fucks sakes, its 6 am and I am still awake. Sad thing is, this is no longer me being adolescent and thinking "hey, Im cool, lets stay up till the wee hours chatting on the internet" anymore. This is grown-up me, thinking " Christ almighty I want to go to bed... but must stay up due to body scheduling". Yes, Im still stuck in night mode. Wednesday, Thursday on nights and then back to the world of the living. My sanity cant wait!
So I love nursing, but getting to be a nurse is really hurting my bottom line. I have to borrow 700 bucks this week, just to pay to write my exam and to get a temporary registration. And on top of that I just paid to get a criminal records check. It seems all Im doing these days is reaching into my already tapped out resources trying to pull out that one last dime. And wow, can I use any more cliche phrases?
Another thing. I need to stop going on dating sites. Its become such a time waster in the past little while. It doesnt help that Im awake when everyone else is sleeping. Ill page through profile after profile like its a bloody mail-order magazine or something. Sad thing is, even if I saw my soulmate ( if I believed in such things) on there, i wouldnt have the time nor the capacities to do anything about it! The last thing I need right now is dating! However, the thought of giving up on guys is not working either. What can I say... Im a sexual being who thinks about the opposite sex way too often. But, dont we all? And those who think they dont are pretty deluded. Or depressed.
OK, enough of the crazy.
Christie=out.
So I love nursing, but getting to be a nurse is really hurting my bottom line. I have to borrow 700 bucks this week, just to pay to write my exam and to get a temporary registration. And on top of that I just paid to get a criminal records check. It seems all Im doing these days is reaching into my already tapped out resources trying to pull out that one last dime. And wow, can I use any more cliche phrases?
Another thing. I need to stop going on dating sites. Its become such a time waster in the past little while. It doesnt help that Im awake when everyone else is sleeping. Ill page through profile after profile like its a bloody mail-order magazine or something. Sad thing is, even if I saw my soulmate ( if I believed in such things) on there, i wouldnt have the time nor the capacities to do anything about it! The last thing I need right now is dating! However, the thought of giving up on guys is not working either. What can I say... Im a sexual being who thinks about the opposite sex way too often. But, dont we all? And those who think they dont are pretty deluded. Or depressed.
OK, enough of the crazy.
Christie=out.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
bedtime
Have I mentioned that going to bed at 10pm sucks? I never, ever thought I would spent a large majority of my nights going to bed early. Unfortunately, when you work at 7am and have to be up at 5 am in order to get to work, one must go to bed early.
Going to bed early goes against my biological clock. Or at least I did. When I first started doing this, I had to take prescription sleeping pills in order to fall asleep. I still have them but have realised that Im slower ( mentally) on the days when I took a sleeping pill the night before. Its almost better that Im completely exhausted than to take a sleeping pill. Unless its Gravol... Gravol is awesome.
Im excited to be meeting with some of the girls tomorrow evening for a drink/vent session. Its been a while since I have actually had people to talk to about my new nursing experiences. Dont get me wrong, I talk to the nurses at work, but they all have more experience and thus different viewpoints on things, so I dont feel that they can relate the same way. I just hope I dont spend too much time dominating the conversation tomorrow night. Its like I get verbal diarrhea whenever Im around other student nurses.
"you look like rappers but you're not black so you are the perfect ammount of danger"-some stupid girl on family guy
I think I am going to try to make an entry every day. I have a feeling they will be mundane like this one, until I actually get into the swing of making actual interesting thought provoking blog entries again. But I dont care, because no one is reading this anyways!
Christie=out.
Going to bed early goes against my biological clock. Or at least I did. When I first started doing this, I had to take prescription sleeping pills in order to fall asleep. I still have them but have realised that Im slower ( mentally) on the days when I took a sleeping pill the night before. Its almost better that Im completely exhausted than to take a sleeping pill. Unless its Gravol... Gravol is awesome.
Im excited to be meeting with some of the girls tomorrow evening for a drink/vent session. Its been a while since I have actually had people to talk to about my new nursing experiences. Dont get me wrong, I talk to the nurses at work, but they all have more experience and thus different viewpoints on things, so I dont feel that they can relate the same way. I just hope I dont spend too much time dominating the conversation tomorrow night. Its like I get verbal diarrhea whenever Im around other student nurses.
"you look like rappers but you're not black so you are the perfect ammount of danger"-some stupid girl on family guy
I think I am going to try to make an entry every day. I have a feeling they will be mundane like this one, until I actually get into the swing of making actual interesting thought provoking blog entries again. But I dont care, because no one is reading this anyways!
Christie=out.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
And a great big welcome to... me
This is my premiere as a blogger. I dont really know why I'm here, besides that blogging really helped me when I was an angsty teenager. Im no longer a teenager, and Im completely non-angsty but sometimes I just feel like I have so many thoughts that need to go somewhere. And unlike when I was blogging as a teenager, this time Im just doing it for me, not to amuse a whole group of cyber-friends.
Right now Im lazing on my couch in the basement watching What Women Want on cable, with my laptop on my lap. Ahh the good days of relaxation. I appreciate quiet days at home so much more these days, since my days at the hospital are anything but relaxing. Sometimes I feel guilty... like I should be out being productive, working out, etc. But that guilt doesnt last very long since Im obviously still here, doing nothing.
I have become such a loner lately. Even before John and I broke up, I was a loner. In fact I think thats a main thing that led to our breakup. He couldnt understand/believe that I like being by myself with my own thoughts. Dont get me wrong, I do appreicate a good time with some friends, but I dont feel the need to validate my existence through the endless interactions with people. Maybe a lot of that has to do with the fact that when Im at the hospital Im endlessly with people, never alone. Or maybe Im just lazy and dont want to expend effort on social interaction. Being alone is simple, I only have to worry about pleasing myself.
Though tonight I will be social. Dan is coming over for dinner and a movie. I like when its just Dan and I... I dont feel like I have to act a certain way, be a certain way. I'm comfortable.
Christie=out.
Right now Im lazing on my couch in the basement watching What Women Want on cable, with my laptop on my lap. Ahh the good days of relaxation. I appreciate quiet days at home so much more these days, since my days at the hospital are anything but relaxing. Sometimes I feel guilty... like I should be out being productive, working out, etc. But that guilt doesnt last very long since Im obviously still here, doing nothing.
I have become such a loner lately. Even before John and I broke up, I was a loner. In fact I think thats a main thing that led to our breakup. He couldnt understand/believe that I like being by myself with my own thoughts. Dont get me wrong, I do appreicate a good time with some friends, but I dont feel the need to validate my existence through the endless interactions with people. Maybe a lot of that has to do with the fact that when Im at the hospital Im endlessly with people, never alone. Or maybe Im just lazy and dont want to expend effort on social interaction. Being alone is simple, I only have to worry about pleasing myself.
Though tonight I will be social. Dan is coming over for dinner and a movie. I like when its just Dan and I... I dont feel like I have to act a certain way, be a certain way. I'm comfortable.
Christie=out.
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